A second chance

I had no clue what my worth was.

I had no positive guidance to help me embark on this journey called life.

I had no role models lifting me up.

I had people I "called" my friends and family but in actuality, it was the enemy in disguise trying to take me down a path of destruction.

I did things I should not have done.

I was exposed to things I should have NEVER seen.

I heard things I should not have listened too.

I lost myself because no one ever helped me find myself.

When I was 20 years old, God sent someone amazing in my life to help me see the light.

I was in darkness for a long time. The ones closes to me never lifted a finger to help me notice the light.

They went to church every Sunday (2-3x sometime), they even went to bible study on Wednesdays.

They participated in church activities and even made me, and my siblings do the same.

Growing up in church, I had no true explanation to "WHY" I was there.

Why I was made to be active in church, but no one made sure I understoond the Scripture?

As I embarked on this journey with the newest person God placed in my life, I began to learn things over the years.

Things my mother should've taught me since my father wasn't really active in my life.

Things the ones who proclaim they "loved" and cared for me, but didn't show or teach me the way of life.

The bible says "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it “(Proverbs 22:6).

My parents trained me up in a way that would lead me down a path of hurt, financial stress, no wisdom, and bad decision making.

They were so selfish that the only thing that mattered to them, was THEIR life.

Not trying to understand or realize that when you have kids, your life is no longer YOUR life.

Every thing you do, breath and say will reflect in that child.

Today, I am proud to say that I am happy of who I am and becoming!

I still make mistakes, but I understand life a little bit more then I did back then.

I never had a real "family" household because my mother was a single parent.

I was blessed to have someone show me that.

He taught me how a woman should act.

He even taught me how to cook.

He taught me how to care for my daughter in a loving, motherly way. Since my mother didn't do that for us.

She was "there" but she wasn't "there".

She did not teach me how a woman should be.

Hell...She doesn't even know how a woman should be.

I have been studying Proverbs 31:10-31 for a few months now. The virtuous wife.

This is the woman I am working on becoming for the future.

I cannot change my past so I need to stop trying too.

I can not determine my future.

What I can do is focus on the present moment, and prepare myself for the years ahead.

Abraham Lincoln said it best. "The best way to predict your future is to create it.”

Yea, my parents may have failed me..but God did not fail me one bit.

He sent me a good man who put me through college. I have two degrees under my belt!

I have not been with NO OTHER man since him and we've been together 7 years!

Not many females can say that in today's society.

He gave me the world and put me on a pedestal where I cannot be reached!

God gave me a second chance because He saw something in me.

He knew He could not let this beautiful, talented girl go to waste like her mother.

If He did, I would probably have four kids, four baby daddys' and working a 9-5 living pay check-to-pay check.

Smoking cigarettes, and drinking alcohol to sedate myself from the shit I placed myself in. Doesn't sound intriguing does it??

I am not perfect, and I still make many mistakes until this day. But one thing I do know, I will be better than my mother and father.

I will be better than those in my family who did not push me to be something great. Who did not help me dig deep down within myself to pull Victoria out.

My friend Chris has been a great influence in my life. Not many men out here will help a women succeed and become something great.

He has helped me achieve some of my wildest dreams.

We have did so much together..things I would have never thought of!

I do not know why God did this for me, but I am thankful that He did.

I sometimes act selfish, that is because I still have bad habits I need to get rid of. BUT I AM AWARE and WORKING ON IT!

I can be ungrateful sometimes and not humble myself.

When I look back at my life, those are all traits I picked up over the course of my childhood. Now that I am an adult, its hard to get rid of them. It's hard to be conscious of the thoughts and actions I do.

One thing I do know, I am not ashamed to admit my faults.

I just want to be accountable for my life NOW and not THEN.

I have came a long way and it is nooooo turning back for me! 

I just want you all to know...God does grant second chances to those He believe will do right by His name. Those who really want to change their life and experience the blessings He has to offer. He loves us all because we are His children. This is my story in a nutshell. I know some can relate and I know others has had it worst. But take this as a way for you to know things can and will get better if you work towards it, and accept God.

Unfortunately, we ended our relationship after 7yrs but I still owe him thanks for supporting me, and giving me the chance to become a better person. He will also hold a special place in my heart forever. Regardless of what happened and how we ended.